


In the garden we are happy

by FireOpal_Tash



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Dark, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fear of Abandonment, Fluff, Hearing Voices, Light Angst, Other, Psychological Trauma, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Underage Kissing, but not for much longer, good spinel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23072149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireOpal_Tash/pseuds/FireOpal_Tash
Summary: In the garden, everything is quiet.In the garden, we have a good time.In the garden we are alone together. Forever.
Relationships: Spinel & Steven Universe, Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 16
Kudos: 51





	1. Kiss me

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't like this ship, just don't read this story.  
> For me, gems have mental age, not physical. Spinel is not an adult in any way because she never matured mentally and emotionally. And, Steven is well aware of the type of relationship they have, while Spinel most likely doesn't even understand it, and still wants it.  
> By the way, Spinel is the one in control here~ This is my first time writing about Dom Spinel! I always write sweet and fluffy stories haha (well, it is still sweet and fluffy~) 
> 
> Also, English is not my first language. So, sorry for any mistakes ^w^'
> 
> Having said that, enjoy!

The silence of the garden is something that always reassures him. Everything is so peaceful, without problems and without his family, the crystal gems, there. Especially now that his Spinel is out, as their provisions were running out. But that's fine too. She is coming back soon, he knows. And they'll have a great time playing!

Steven Diamond Universe turned 17 today. It is not something he knew, because he is not aware of how much time had passed since he made the decision to help only one gem. His Spinel. So perfect and beautiful.  
Currently, the teenager is taking care of their flowers. Forget-me-nots. Dahlias. Zinnias. Chrysanthemums. Tulips. All kind of flowers! Except for Roses. They were forbidden. Not because of his Spinel, of course not. She loved flowers without exception! But Steven... didn't like to remember Her. Getting permission to use his powers was not easy to do, but his brilliant Spinel knew that she alone would not be able to take care of everything. Not that she was incapable, but the pink gem had some other things to deal with. And Steven wanted to help. Always.

The sound of the warp pad activating was what pulled the dark-haired boy from his thoughts.

"Steeevie~" it was her. His Spinel. Today she looked especially beautiful. The scars of her cheeks were less pronounce, her hair all puffy. And with a black jacket on too. 

"My Spinel, welcome home" calling this place home was an idea that took some time to accept. For the both of them.

"What've you been doing today, doll face?~" She asked cheerfully. A blush appeared on the teenager's face. Calling him by these kind of nicknames was also recent. And wonderful, because it was a sign of trust. And love.

"Well, taking care of the flowers since I woke up. I wasn't sure when you would come back, but I wanted to surprise you with those new planted Tulips you brought yesterday," the hybrid smiled sweetly. Without giving her time to answer he continued with his explanation "After that I thought about writing what I dreamed about today and then trying on the new clothes. Although of course, not without your permission my Spinel" this time he looked at her, a little nervous. He was never quiet sure where the limit was.

"Oh? And what did ya' dream of today?" the pink gem still couldn't grasp the concept of sleep. She was unable to be still, and silent. Not after that. Playing, having fun and making Steven happy is all that mattered to her. And making Spinel happy was Steven's only mission. Make each other happy. That is what they promised to do.

"A nightmare" he lowered his head, embarrassed. He was almost an adult, and letting simple dreams affect him so much bothered him.

"Aww, my poor Stevie. Don't ya' worry, I'm here with you now." Spinel wrapped her long arms several times around Steven's waist. "I'll always be here, with you" she whispered. The hybrid smiled, somewhat happier, and returned the hug as best as he could.

"And you, my Spinel? What did you got me today?" the young Diamond changed the subject, not wanting to spoil their time together.

That cheered the pink gem immediately. "Well, you won't believe it! Your Pearl and Amethyst were there today" hearing those names froze Steven "I saw them leavin' some odd papers with your image on them or somethin'. Humans didn't pay much attention, probably used to that. Anyway, apart from the usual, I went to see if I could find more new outfits for ya'. I got you several of them and I'm sure you'll love them! But I also got you this. "she took something out of her gemstone, the light not letting see what it was initially. Steven was dying in anticipation.

A cake. She got him a cake! He couldn't remember the last time he ate a cake.

"Oh, thank you so much my Spinel!" he hug her beyong happy. They both laughed after that. It was the best day of his life!

Hours passed quickly. They ate some cake, talk about everything and nothing, played a little. Tried on the new clothes. It was approaching the night time, and Spinel knew it. She didn't like night time despite the garden never getting dark. It was the silence what she couldn't stand. Not Steven, of course. He needs silence to be able to sleep peacefully. She sighed, her spirits going down.

"My Spinel? Is something wrong?" inquired the teen at seeing her so crestfallen.

"It's nothing, Stevie" she replied absentmindedly. 

The silence lasted for a few minutes, while the pink gem thought about how to tell Steven what she had in mind.

"Steven?" Spinel caught the attention of the hybrid "Can I ... ask you a favor?"

"Always!" the boy beamed at her. Helping his Spinel always made him feel better. Useful.

"Can you ... do the same thing you did yesterday?" she asked, suddenly insecure. Whatever it was, it felt good. And Steven was the one who started it, so it must be something normal that humans do to show affection. Or so he said. She wanted all of Steven's affection and attention.

"You mean, a kiss?" he clarified. Nervously, Steven got up and approached Spinel. He pushed his hair away from his face, noticing how long it was. He smiled, a little blush on his cheeks "My Spinel, if you wanted that, you should have told me before. I'm always happy to give you everything you want."

"Aww, you will make me blush with those sweet words of yours, doll face," she commented delighted . Then she showed her gloved hand "start here, please" the pink gem requested with authority. 

"Yes, my darling" with that said, Steven gently positions his lips on the back of her pink gloved hand, depositing a chaste kiss. And then another. And other. One for each finger and in the palm,while muttering how wonderful she is. How beautiful she is.

"Stop" she ordered. Slowly, she brought her own face closer to the boy's, both suddenly aware of the short distance between them. Their eyes shining with untold emotions. And their faces redder than strawberries. She kissed him on the lips, a blissful sensation going through their bodies.

With great slowness, they separated. Steven still needed air, Spinel recalled with difficulty. Their forehead in contact, both tried to calm down.

"Wow" they said at the same time. And then they laughed. 


	2. Hold me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmares keep coming. It's time to have a talk. And maybe something extra. Everything to help her favourite doll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, if there are mistakes, sorry about it, I'm Spanish ^w^'
> 
> Enjoy!

After that day, Steven kept having nightmares. Dream after dream, every night was worse. He tried, of course, dealing with it alone. He didn't want to be a nuisance to her Spinel. But it was maddening, keeping track of the nights he didn't sleep. Or the nights he woke up soaked with his sweat and a sore throat after screaming for hours. And alone. Without her Spinel. No, he couldn't continue like that.

The boy stood up in shaky legs. Carefully, he went to one of the fountains to clean his body off the sweat, not without taking off his dark red silk pajamas. The water temperature was always at room temperature. Something inevitable when you are on a piece of space rock. And the fragrance of the flowers invited him to relax his aching body. His muscles loosening. The hybrid sighed contently and let his mind wander.

_"Maybe I should tell her the truth. That I can't even sleep properly. I can not do anything without her... But I can't depent on her for everything. Ahh What to do, what to do. If only I could find out why I'm having these horrible dreams. **Maybe I should stop listening to her.** Wait... What? No. No, no, no. I didn't said that. I... That was my voice, but... **Stop thinking.** There it is again. Who are you? Why do you have my voice? **I'm me.** That is not helping... **Shut up. Please.** Mr voice? I don't take very kindly to be told what to do or what to say. **And yet I listen to and I do everything a simple Spinel says.** She is not a simple Spinel! She is MY Spinel! Amazing and beautiful! Y-you, you... Did you just said YOU do those things? That doesn't make sense. It's me who does everything my Spinel says. **I'm me.** What is that supposed to mean? **I'm... You.** Me? But... What?"_

"Steven!" That voice immediately pulled the young man out of his train of thought.

"My Spinel! Welcome! " he greeted, rising from the fountain without caring about his naked body. There was no reason to be ashamed of it after all. Spinel stopped dead on her walk towards the hybrid. 

"Steven, are you alright?" She asked tilting her head at seeing him look so pale. Sure, after almost 1 year of living here it is hard to get any blush or tan on your skin but still... Steven nodded, preferring not to talk about it. His anxiety was rising when he noticed the look of his Spinel. He was sure he was not imagining it. Spinel was not in a good mood. Something in her gaze told him so.

"So? Are you gonna answer me or not?" She asked irritably, her patience running out. Her arms were crossed over her chest/gemstone. _Uh oh, she is mad. Something did happened._

"My Spinel, I... well, I had another bad dream, that's all. Nothing to worry about" he stepped closer to the gem, slowly, before carefully taking one of her hands between his two slightly wet hands "And you, my Spinel? Has something happened? Is there something I can help you with?" Internally, Steven hoped she would forget her question and focus more on his. _**I'm sure she noticed.**_ _You again. Just leave us alone._ Steven was starting to think he was mad. Like crazy mad. People are not supposed to hear voices that were not there. 

Spinel snorted, noticing what his partner was doing. It doesn't matter, she thought, he'll tell me later. I will make him do it.

"You're right. Somethin' happened. Today I went out to see how the state of the Earth was and your ... ex-friends too - I know how much you care about them - and I found the Diamonds. Or rather, they found me" She paused, not quite sure how to continue.

"Did they hurt you?" asked the brunette with concern. 

"Nope, they wouldn't be able to hurt me even if they tried" she smirked confidently "but ... yeah they were somewhat annoying. None of them knows that you are here with me because you did not tell anyone, and I told them that I didn't wanna spend more time at Homeworld. No one suspects anything. But ya' see, they are very insistent" she growled.

"T-that's alright, my Spinel. I'm sure they will forget about it after a while. And as long as they don't know we're here, everything will be fine, right?" he asked nervously.

"Heck yeah! And if they finds us we'll fight them" the heart-shaped gem exclaimed.

"Yeah... We'll do that" Steven sigh, suddenly tired. He didn't want to fight anyone. That's why he escaped Earth and... well, everyone. He was happy, here. With Spinel. Not to fight but to help. 

Spinel noticed that something was wrong with Steven. She thought Steven would tell her what was wrong with him if she gave him time. He didn't. More than one week already passed. It was starting to infuriate the pink gem. He was supposed to be happy, but it was obvious that he wasn't. Of course she didn't want to give Steven up, he was her best friend after all. But she couldn't... keep him for herself if he didn't want to. So so infuriating.

Time to use that technique, the gem thought. It has always worked with him. And if not ... well, she will have to order and force him to tell the truth. She only did that at the beginning of their stay in the garden, however, over time, both got used to being honest with each other. This is not one of those times, unfortunately. They were still working on it.

"Steven?" both were at Steven's "room" right now. The young diamond was all dressed up and ready to take care of the garden again.

"Yes, my Spinel?" 

"Can I request a hug?" that surprised the other. It was not something she did... a lot. If she wanted a hug she just did it. Without giving you options or asking for permissions. Unless there was a reason for that. Like something was bothering her or ... that she wanted something in exchange for that hug. Steven never refused.

"Wh-? Yes, of course" that was all she needed to hear before jumping on him and wrapping her elastic arms several times around his abdomen and waist "Uff" he let out a burst of air at feeling so constricted "M-my Spinel, please I need-"

"Shhh Just a minute. Hold me" that was all she said. 

Steven did as he was told with difficulty, but at least his arms were free. It was... pleasing, in a strange way. _**Now would be a good time to talk to her.**_ _I don't need a voice to tell me what I have to do... But you're right. Here goes nothing._

"My Spinel...?" silence. He took it as a permission to continue "I'm sorry. I really wanted to tell you but... I just didn't want to bother you. I'm really tired" he started to say "I can't sleep and when I do I get this horrible dreams. I leave you behind. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl... they found us and I'm so scared. They hurt you. I dreamnt of that time I had those uncontrollable powers. I turned pink, I hurt everyone. I returned to earth. More gems attacked. I was alone... I-I-I..." His tears ran down his cheeks as he recounted what was happening in his dreams. Steven was trembling.

" Hey, hey, it's okay. Everything's okay. See? I'm here. You're here. And we're alone. Alone together. No one is hurt. We're fine. And you're definitely not a bother" she chastised him gently. 

"B-But I... I was bad to you. In my dreams I left you. They puffed you and I returned to Earth with them. I didn't want to, but I didn't know what else to do..." he continued.

"It was not your fault then, was it? They didn't give you an option" her arms squeezed his body.

"I... I guess?" another minute in silence passed "Thank you"

"You're welcome" the gem let him go after that "Better?" 

"Yes!" the brunette smiled brightly, with traces of tears on his cheeks. She hummed contently.

"Glad to be of help" she returned the smile. 

_**I didn't tell her about... me.**_ _If you're me and I'm you, what's the difference? I'm sure it's nothing. You are like my consciousness... or something like that. It can't be that bad._ Steven decided to ignore that voice for the time. 


	3. Pink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to know your pink side  
> &  
> The crystal gems ambushed Spinel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes ^w^'

Inside, Steven knew something wrong was happening to him. The voice, his nightmares, his tiredness. He was going crazy, for sure! But Steven also knew that everything had an explanation. The Crystal Gems always taught him that everything happens for a reason. And his dad too. Even when they made mistakes, and didn't follow their own advice, he trusted their advice to some degree. They were still his family, after all. Only... they were living apart. He already had the family he wanted, with Spinel.

It should not, then, be so difficult to find an explanation for everything that was happening to him. Even after talking it over with his Spinel, there were still so many unknowns. Maybe it was something else about diamonds. Although, he didn't remember the Diamonds talking about something like that happening to them. They never complained of a voice in their head nor did they talk aloud to someone that was not there. 

"Maybe I could ask my Spinel to go to Homeworld to get that information. But maybe that's asking too much... She, after all, didn't want to go back to Homeworld. Our house, our home, was the garden. Homeworld... It always reminded her of Mom, especially when _her_ room had been given to her. She felt, during her short stay, like a replacement. I know very well what that feels like. And it's horrible"

Today he was alone, in the afternoon, waiting for his Spinel. It doesn't usually take that long.

**I could go to Homeworld.**

"What are you even saying, Mr. Voice? If my Spinel found out, she would punish me. Besides, there is the possibility of meeting _them_. I really don't want to talk to them ... I don't want to go back to Beach City. I'm fine here. And, what if they found out that I've been with Spinel all this time, in the garden? They'll surely think it's her fault. But it's not! It's mine. She never did anything wrong.

 **I can go undercover with one of my capes. Or change my appearance.** Steven sighed. 

" _We_ could" the young man stressed the word 'we' "but we could get lost. Homeworld will have changed in our absence. They may recognize me despite the change in my appearance. And my Spinel could come back at any time. It's too risky. "He put his hand under his chin, thinking.

 **Not if we go at night. 'Your' Spinel never stays when we sleep.** The voice quickly learned to tell the two apart.

"Yeah... Maybe your right" sigh again the hybrid, resigned.

 **"Right"** the other echoed, making Steven groan. 

"But first, explain to me again what are You. If you separate from me, if you have other ideas, and if you don't accept Spinel as your master, then who are you? Why are you in my head? And what do you want from me?"

**"I'm you. I've always been you"**

Steven remembered then what happened with White Diamond. Those memories he kept locked in the back of his mind, one of the worse. But... When he saw, not Pink and not Rose but himself... He felt such relieve and joy. He still felt like that. 

"So you're like the gem part of me? Do all the Diamonds have one? Or any other gem?"

 **I do not know**.

"Oh..."

Silence resumed residence in the garden. The silence was pleasant, relaxing, but Steven Universe wanted some music. It was one of the few things he missed the most. Sure, he sang for Spinel, but without instruments it's not the same.

**You could ask her.**

"I could" he agreed.

More time was passing, and between the voice and his own thoughts, Steven was getting desperate. What was taking Spinel so long? It was troubling how much she has been going out and being late. Before, at the beginning of their stay, she spent almost every hour with him. She didn't want to be alone, and to be honest, neither did he. What has changed?

An unpleasant sensation in the pit of his stomach grew. 

What if she was in danger? What if she's been shattered? Or maybe she didn't want him anymore...

* * *

A silhouette was running, jumping through the buildings on Earth. Other figures, just as fast, followed her. It was currently getting dark. The stars beginning to rise, and the moon lighting up for a second the face of that silhouette. A second more than enough to notice bright magenta eyes and black marks on her pink cheeks.

"Stop running already!" one of the pursuers snapped. A small purple quartz, who was beginning to falter in her speed. They've been like this for almost an hour already. Maybe more.

The gem on her side, Pearl, kept her cold gaze on Spinel. She was sure the heart-shaped gem knew something about Steven that she didn't tell them about. Every time they went out to look for the young diamond, the crystal gems found Spinel. In each and every one of the places they searched. As if she was watching them. That thought made the pale gem feel icy fear.

And Spinel? She completely ignored the words of one and the intense gaze of the other. She had no time to lose, as her beloved doll was waiting for her in the garden. But before that, she needed to lose the other gems. Suddenly, a shadow appeared in front of the pink gem, stopping her in her tracks.

"Spinel" said the fusion, Garnet "We need to talk" Spinel could only growl like a wild animal while trying to find some way to escape. 

"Spinel. We don't want to hurt you. We promise," Pearl continued, her grip on her spear contradicting her words. Spinel did not trust them.

"We just want to talk to you" the fusion stated, showing her unarmed hands, in a gesture of peace. 

Spinel did not relax her posture. Her hair also wild. They were delaying her. They were slowing her down. They were surrounding her. She was trapped. Spinel snapped.

"Step aside" snarled the pink gem, taking a step forward. Her hand went subtly to her gem.

"No," said Garnet, simply.

"I said" she took out her weapon, a metallic and black scythe, similar to the rejuvenator, with such speed that the three gems could only move away for fear of being pierced by that sharp blade "Step aside!"

Spinel moved faster than even in their first encounter. Every move, every cut made by her scythe made her look like a crazy woman out of control. And boy was she out of control. For she was afraid of what might happen if she left Steven alone for too long... She felt how the little sanity that was left on her slipping away, fear and anger taking hold of her.

"Go!" ordered the tallest gem.

"But Garnet" Pearl protested, being pushed away by Amethyst from a black steel blade too close to her for her comfort.

"Not now. She is afraid. It's better if we leave her alone"

Pearl had to accept that maybe, just maybe, it was not the best moment to discuss. And definitely, she made a bad move approaching Spinel when she seemed distracted by some cherries she was looking at. She may have frightened her. But it was also her only opportunity to ask her about Steven...!

The crystal gems left the pink gem alone after that.

* * *

Spinel was fuming when she arrived to their garden, Steven sitting in front of the warp pad. He had been waiting for her. Spinel's body and gaze relaxed, feeling all the tension disappear at seeing him. With slow and even somewhat awkward movement, she moved toward Steven, falling onto his arms. Steven caught her easily. "Spinel? What happened? You look tired" he asked very concerned.

She just wanted to rest in his strong arms for the rest of their eternity.

* * *

"Garnet. What do we do now?" questioned Pearl. The exhaustion of the situation clearly in her voice and face. 

The crystal gems were in the beach house, the darkness of the night plus the lights of the house off covering them like a dark cloak. It was a cold night, two months since Steven disappeared. There were not clues. No note. Just Spinel's weird behavior.

"We wait" 

"But I'm tired of waiting" the pale gem exclaimed. Amethyst appeared from the kitchen, her appetite non-existent. She felt defeated.

"Maybe Steven doesn't want to see us" commented the purple one.

"Excuse me?" Pearl didn't want to think about it. "Of course he wants to. He must miss us so much. He's our kid, Amethyst. Do you even care?"

That was a low blow, even for her. 

"Care? What do you think I've been feeling all this years!? Of course I care about him! And that's why I'm willing to considerar the possibility of Steven wanting a life of his own. Without us" she hissed. She was so tired of Pearl and her insisten and demanding voice. She was tired of searching. She was just tired of everything.

"Steven would have left something, a note or a voice mail, if that was the case. He was kidnapped!" Pearl went on and on. Rumbling. She was frustrated. With everyone. Why was no one taking her seriously? 

Garnet, meanwhile, was thinking. Remembering each of those encounters with Spinel. She kept thinking that the other knew something. But she didn't think Spinel was directly related to Steven's disappearance. The fusion couldn't see her as a bad person, despite having attacked them half an hour ago. Twice. She was just misunderstood and hurt. Both times she seemed afraid and angry at them. 

The family was breaking apart. No one noticed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's a little too short UwU' But it's progressing!


	4. The beginning of everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How everything started...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Our way out" song by Nico Collins
> 
> IMPORTANT: Steven and Spinel didn't rushed their decision, but they didn't think it through either. Don't be too harsh on them. They are still young (in fact, worse. Because he is a teenager and Spinel acts like a teenager too, so it was expected. And Steven almost did the same with Connie, when they were younger)  
> Another thing. No one thought that Steven was with Spinel because of the time they spent apart, and because they tried to appear like nothing changed. It may sound logic to us, readers, but it's not. That's life without a narrator xD  
> People tend to forget the most obvious clues ^w^'

**_If only everybody could see you_ **   
**_Through my eyes_ **   
**_We wouldn't have to worry and leave it all behind_ **   
**_I know it isn't easy but I think we need a brand new start_ **   
**_I'll hold your heart_ **

It was not a good start, nor a bad one. It was not an impulsive moment, much less a thoughtful one. 

Spinel spent a week with Steven on Earth, after the Crystal Gems received a message from the Diamonds. Something about a mission, and making peace (peace treaty) with other species. They couldn't take Spinel with them, so they decided that it was best for her to stay on Earth. With Steven. Protected. That was it. Nothing happened, and Spinel returned to Homeworld soon after. Nothing changed... Or so everyone believed.

It wasn't until in Little Homeworld a healed corrupted gem saw them holding hands, laughing and having a good time that things went downhill. They explained they were simply spending some time together, like any friends, but the crystal gems were still upset that the young diamond never told them anything about where he went and with whom. Pearl, specially, freaked out when she saw it was Spinel. He couldn't understand why.

Steven was with Connie (it was one of those days when Connie had free time for him), and the boy asked his best friend her opinion about Spinel.

"Steven... I don't think it's a good idea" she started carefully.

"What? Why?" the young hybrid asked without showing his anguish. 

"Because she tried to kill you. You and the Crystal Gems" she pointed out "Look, I know you want to help her, but maybe you should let someone else do it" she explained softly. 

"No, you don't understand" he shook his head "It's my responsibility. I have to help her. No one else can because... Because no one else can understand her. Only me. And she is not the only gem that tried to kill them, you know? At least she knew it was _me_ , not Pink Diamond"

"She was… trapped, wasn't she? Then Lapis would be the most suitable. Also, she tried to kill you _because_ of your mum" she countered.

"You see!? You don't understand either" he suddenly stood up, anxiety gnawing at his mind "She was abandoned, not trapped. She faithfully waited for my mom for thousands of years!"

"And how about Pearl?" the brunette tried.

Steven groaned, increasingly annoyed that no one could understand him. But that wasn't true, was it? Someone understood him. And that someone was Spinel.. Steven ran away.

"Steven...!" Connie called.

_**All of my friends and family** _   
_**Keep saying you're no good** _   
_**Now that I'm finally happy** _   
_**Wish that they understood** _   
_**They may be disapproving** _   
_**But that ain't tearing us apart** _   
_**I'll hold your heart** _

Spinel couldn't meet with Steven after that hasty goodbye. She could still hear the shouting, saying such horrible things. She didn't like that one bit. He was her friend, their family. Why were they being so cruel to him? And they wouldn't let her calm him down. 

So what if they were having a good time?

So what if they wanted to be friends?

What difference did it make to them?

What rights did they have to spoil something that was just beginning to flourish?

All those questions were echoing over and over again in her mind, fueling her anger, her contempt for those gems. Towards everyone. But never to Steven. He needed her. And she needed him. 

"Spinel, we know that you only wanted to see Steven. We do to. But, surely you understand that it is not right for you to leave without saying a word to us" 

Oh, she knew that very well. But it was exactly for that reason that neither of them said anything. They wanted to test their friendship first, before rushing headfirst. They didn't want interference of any kind. It was their life after all. It was not fair. 

Where did everything went so wrong?

_**Exhausted every option** _   
_**It's time to run away** _   
_**Won't even pack a suitcase** _   
_**I don't need anything** _   
_**As long as you're besides me** _   
_**I know that it'll be okay** _   
_**We'll be okay** _

Weeks later, after sneaking away from Homeworld again, Spinel managed to speak to Steven, in his room, while everyone else was asleep (or in the case of the gems, in their own room)

"Are you sure?" he asked hesitantly. He was so nervous. What if the gems find out? They would be separated! 

Spinel nodded enthusiastically. She had been planning it carefully. Today they were going to leave, they were going to their new home, a home of their own. Far from responsibilities. Away from people who only saw someone else in them. No more Pink Diamond. They were going to be free at last.

"Ok. I trust you. I hope everything works out. How are we going to get there?"

"With Little Homeworld's warp pad, of course. We will be caught immediately if we use yours. Although, we have to go undercover, just in case" She smirk, satisfied with her plan. She was not stupid. 

Steven shared her smile, feeling excited. 

**_Cuz if it's us_ **   
**_Against the world we'll fight it_ **   
**_And win as long as we're united_**

"Steven?" Pearl called from the bottom of the stairs. Receiving no answer, she went upstairs, determined to wake Steven up. Upon opening the door, however, there was no one in there. Thinking that maybe he would be in the bathroom, she went downstairs again and headed for the other room. She called a couple of times. Nobody answered. The fear was taking over the pale gem. Steven was surely fine. These past few weeks he seemed fine, at least. But what if...?

"Steven?" she called again.

"Is he still in the bathroom?" Amethyst said, noticing the other gem in concern.

"I think so... But he would have already answered me" she scowled. 

"Maybe he's drowned in the bathtub," joked the purple gem.

"Don't joke about it, Amethyst!"

"Seriously, what's wrong with taking a little more time in the bathroom? Besides, maybe he's still annoyed with us" she said seemingly exasperated. 

"Annoyed? Why would he be annoyed with us?" the purple gem rolled her eyes, tired of the tallest blindness.

"Maybe because we are overwhelming? Overprotective? And by "we" I mean you, and maybe Garnet" she finished, with irritation. She really needed to let out everything she thought about this situation.

**_Take my hand and don't you let it go now_ **   
**_We'll find our way out when we are faced with danger_ **

Steven and Spinel were in the garden. No one was around as expected, but still, they waited holding their breath and their hands. Nothing was happening. The warp pad didn't activate. They were alone. Together. They smiled widely. And laughed. 

_**And eyes that stares at us in anger** _   
**_Take my hand and don't you let it go now_ **

"Garnet. Do you know where he...?" Pearl tried to ask the fusion. She was stopped. 

"Not now" 

"But Garnet!" she complained. 

"I said not now. I don't know where he is. I can't even..." She let out a painful cry before a light appeared, separating both gems. 

"Oh no. What have we done?" whispered Sapphire, both oh her hands covering her mouth. Her blue orb full of guilt and fear. 

**_We'll find our way out_ **   
**_I'm tired of all the hiding_ **

When the gems told Greg what happened, for the first time ever, he yelled at them. Worse than the time they kidnapped baby Steven in the middle of a snowstorm.

**_Unspoken secrecy_ **   
**_Cuz nothing's more exciting_ **

When they talked to Lapis, Peridot and Bismuth, they were yelled at again. Never had the crystal gems felt worse than now. They knew it was their fault Steven ran away. 

**_When you're right next to me_ **   
**_I'm captured by the feeling_ **

Connie was the last one to know about their mistake. She just looked at them, disappointed. She waited for Steven. She had faith in him. He would return to her. He always did. 

**_Of when you're wrapped up in my arms_ **   
**_In my arms_ **

Despite all the searching, they never found him. Nothing. No one knew anything about him, nor did he ever came back home. 

But one day, they found a little Spinel, far from Homeworld, whistling while looking at some dresses and shorts.

_**I don't have all the answers** _   
_**Not sure what we should do** _   
_**But it doesn't really matter** _   
_**I'm so in love with you** _   
_**As long as you're besides me** _   
_**I know it'll be okay** _   
_**We'll be okay** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, but I hope you enjoyed reading the story about how it all started!
> 
> At first I planned on showing you this part first, but then I thought it would be better to make it a flashback of sorts 🤔 😊


	5. Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spinel's point of view  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistakes, I'm Spanish ^w^'  
> Also, sorry if its a little messy (I really can't with the past/present thingy) :'v
> 
> And enjoy!!

No one can blame me for what happened.

. 

. 

. 

I'd been waitin' for a while now to see him again. Steven Universe. Waitin' for him to come to me on his own free will. I wanted him to be the one to decide, afta' what happened when the Diamonds left me with him and the Crystal Gems to go on a mission of sorts. Or that's what they told them. And me. 

Just three days were enough to make us see what we couldn't when we first met.

Steven is so unique and special. So different. Intriguin'. He was the one who gave me a second chance despite the damage and hurt I did to him, to his family and his planet. He was the one who tried to help me when no one else believed in me.

I was forgotten. Hurt. Damaged. A poison that needed to be contained. 

I just wanted a friend. 

* * *

Sometimes, when we hung out, he reminds me a little of Pink, in his gestures, in his gaze, and sometimes it hurts. But in the end it's always him. It's always been him. A sweet, considerate and kind boy. 

Sometimes he's too kind to a gem like me. It's easy to see why, when no one else looks at me the same way he does. No one else talks to me the same way either. No one else likes me. Yes, the Diamonds like my company, but only to laugh a little and talk about Pink. It's never about me. And yes, my gem cut is perfect, but I'm damaged. I'm ugly. I'm not the same playful and lovin' Spinel from before. I'm no one. The only one of my kind. So lonely is to be me.

* * *

Unbelievable!

His friends tried to separate us without askin', without carin' about what we wanted. Our opinions and feelings were nothin' to them. They didn't wanna give it a chance for his friendship that was startin' to flourish.

They were mean. They upset Steven . They upset _me_. Such. terrible. friends. 

* * *

I had been learnin'. He told me some stories about his adventures as a kid, about his motha' and the Crystal Gems, and about how he met his best friend, and explained what a crush is.

I think I have a crush. I can't help but think that everythi' he told me fits with what I was... I'm feelin' for him. Maybe that's why I was a bit selfish in proposin' my plan to him.

We thought about it a lot, but I have to be honest. I did it for my own selfish reasons. And for him too, of course. But mainly for me.

Steven seemed to be so sad every time we secretly met. He was afraid of his own family. Family. Another term that he explained to me in our meetings. The Diamonds are kinda like my family I guess. And yet, they're always so... annoyin'. They talked about Pink everytime, even after I told them what happened to me in the garden and about what I did when I met Steven. I couldn't stand it anymore. Neither could Steven.

Is that how it's supposed to work? 

* * *

After a while we were finally able to carry out our plan.

It was durin' the night, while the humans were sleepin' and the gems were in their rooms or occupied, away from Steven, that we both met in his room. The Diamonds weren't gonna notice my disappearance for a few more hours, before I had to go back again. When I arrived, he still had that same sad look on his face, which lightened up a bit when he saw me.

Unsurprisingly, he still had some doubts, worried about the gems, no doubt. He has such a big heart. I don't deserve him. I'm so selfish.

It was time to go to our new home, away from responsibilities and people who only saw someone else in us. No more Pink Diamond. Now we were goin' to be free.

"Ok. I trust you. I hope everything works out. How are we going to get there?" he whispered.

"With Little Homeworld's warp pad, of course. We will be caught immediately if we use yours. Although, we have to go undercover, just in case" I smiled, satisfied with our plan.

Steven smiled at me. 

* * *

I'm sorry for his friends and family. If they really cared, they should have let him decide. Why were they, and still are, so opposed to our friendship? What we have... Do they really hate it that much? Was it wrong? 

I just wanted a friend. I wanted Steven to be my friend. I wanted to see him happy and all smiley again. 

* * *

We did it. We... did it. We did it! We finally escaped! We are in the garden, which was in a far worse state than we thought it would be. But that's okay. It's gonna be our new home after all.

Steven even has a backpack (one that's old and it won't be missed) for some essential human resources. Water, food, clothes... Oh, and a photo of them. I know I can't make him throw it away, but I can keep it for him. I saved it inside my gem, what with the real possibility of losin' it, now that he doesn't have a house where to put it. 

* * *

The garden is quiet. So quiet... Steven is sleepin'. I hate that. I hate seein' him so still. But he also looks... kinda peaceful? He looks so much younger, less stressed. That's why I never wake him up. He needs it. 

But I can't help the sigh that comes out of my mouth. I'm so worried. He is runnin' out of water and food. He uses his jacket to sleep. Maybe it's not cold, but the ground is hard and dirty.

* * *

We started with the restoration. The Garden is still the worse place I've ever seen. Worse that the last time I was there. The vines were all over the place, and plants non existen. It was so dry and just... so bad. So dead. The fountain didn't have water. All the floatin' pillars were in the ground, broken.

At least somethin' was workin' in this awful place. The warp pad is functional. That's good. I don't want us to be trapped in the Garden.

* * *

Steven needs water desperately. He doesn't want to admit it, but I'm not blind, I can see it with my own eyes. So I made a very rational decision (no matter what he says) and went to Earth to get some more water. And food. And new clothes. Maybe somethin' to help with the garden? Or maybe a 'bed' would be better. But Steven needs water first.

We are not here to make him more miserable. I promised him I would make him happy (I learned this "promise" word some time ago). 

* * *

The first trip was a success tho I couldn't get everythin' we needed. Its workin'. This is a good start. And, Steven is gettin' betta'!

As soon as I returned I hugged him, fearin' losin' him because of somethin' stupid like body necessities. If he is a gem too, why can he just absorb the light around us? Sure, in the garden there's not much light, but there's still enough for me, even after all this time...

Either way, we are now a step closer to our perfect life. 

* * *

Those damn and annoyin' crystal gems!

What are they doin' there?

I hid trying to make them get away from this place, to make them believe I wasn't there, prayin' they didn't see me.

They did.

And so I run to the nearest warp pad I could find and went directly to the Garden in a panic frenzy. 

I wasn't able to tell him about them... How could I? He didn't need to worry. He was free of them. I will... I'll be the one to carry the burden. Because if he doesn't know, if it's for his own wellbein', it's not a lie.

I'll take care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be in the present... What will Steven and Spinel do?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are accepted as long as they are without insults, please :3


End file.
